Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
