so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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