So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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