That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize