it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
