i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
