hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
please come you make the beer taste better
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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