i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
