i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
