I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
