There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
