he wants to bone in the snuggie
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
