Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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