Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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