look no pants
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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