First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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