his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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