I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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