I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
