I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My cat gives me a boner
He felt like a one man threesome
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
