So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
People in love make me want to vomit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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