Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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