Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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