Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
