Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
