ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
