Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
