I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you remember whose house we're in?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
