youre lurking in front of me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
