I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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