Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
