Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize