i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
