Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
