Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
