I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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