I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
