You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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