My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
