one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
