you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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