Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
