My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
