you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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