my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
