Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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