i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
