The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
