So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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