What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
