I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up under a house in Key West
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
