I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
