batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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