I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
