id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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