went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
