Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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