i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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