Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
