i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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