fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
