Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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