did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
