I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
