Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
soo... how was my night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
