New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize