Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
