Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
