Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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