i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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