I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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