I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
