i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
