remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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