I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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