covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
