DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
