I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
