Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
