i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
