We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
