there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize