I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
