Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
