Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
