I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
