i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
