Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
