My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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