Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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