I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
