She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
