1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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