You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
