peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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