Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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