I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
