I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize