I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
