Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is Oprah even human
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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