Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
