They should really pass out barf bags in church
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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