she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
