Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
