wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
