true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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