Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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