I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
