He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
