dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
false alarm. still invincible.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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