I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
